That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize