I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
