you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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