im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
