Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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