So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
