"it" just moved
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize