When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
