listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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