An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
