Sorry, I don't speak sober.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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