if only i could text you this smell
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
