she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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