So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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