i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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