C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
