I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
