You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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