I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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