Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
