wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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