I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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