why didn't you poke me back
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize