There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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