Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
