I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
