i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
