You just made me feel so damn special
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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