I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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