..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
