I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
