the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
