that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
