Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
