is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
