I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
