I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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