Someone shit on the floor
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
