kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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