Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
