dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
love makes seman taste better
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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