YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
