where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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