I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
