Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
