We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
