Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
