I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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