The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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