How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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