this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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