I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
