community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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