I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
