I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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