Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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