Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
