**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
