i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
