I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
