Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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