Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
