he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
