I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
