the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
