hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize