somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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