i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
