Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
