A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
