he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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