You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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