his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
