there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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