The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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