I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
