I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
